More ONION stealing, and real life obituaries

Guy You Don't Want To See Will Meet You There

CRESSKILL, NJ—In news that has made you wonder why you ever even talk to that guy in the first place, David Krysh, that prick you can't stand, has announced his intentions to meet up with you at the Canyon Road Bar & Grill later tonight. Although you had intended for this outing to be restricted to people whose company you genuinely enjoy, the guy who is impossible to have a conversation with will be showing up at 8:00 p.m. and will sit right next to you. Krysh has also announced plans to bring along a few of his friends, including that one tall guy with the sweaty hands, a development you have classified as fucking wonderful.

And some other people died:

Self-made roofing magnate Kenneth Albert Hendricks after falling through the roof of his garage. He was 66.

Born in Janesville, Wis., Hendricks learned the roofing trade by working side-by-side with his father. Although he aspired to become an architect, life changed his plans.

Gary Gygax, the greatest nerd of all time died on Tuesday aged 69. In 1967, he met David Arneson, with whom he was to create Dungeons & Dragons--D&D, and the meetings developed into GenCon, which now attracts tens of thousands of gamers each year ."I'm not a big Tolkien fan, though. I still don't give a hoot about hobbits."