In the last few weeks, I have spent numerous hours pulling paperwork, filling out forms, copying, scanning, filing and sending said paperwork- no, I am not an accountant. No, I am not a tax preparer.
It's just that my life is either all go go go or all wait wait wait. And I am in the middle of both right now. My brain does not like that.
Everyday I go through a list of over forty items, one of which is a shopping list, a need list to outfit a second house, another is crap to donate/toss list, another is to do stuff for graduating senior and college, another is consolidate a budget and another is repair and fix, usually to help someone/some animal.
Somewhere on that list is a health appointment and often the words: gym/cardio and "writing 4pg".
I love being busy. I love having a goal, and sure, I do like that at the end of all this hassle, hurry, yes/no, where? when topsy turvy stuff, I will have a place by the beach, a less cluttered home, a son in college and a stronger financial future with solid obtainable goals.
I wish I was saying that after all my efforts and spending and time and connections, that I would have a publishing contract, or a hardcover book in my hand, but maybe that's not part of my journey right now, even though for the past three years , I really thought it would be.
Did my priorities change, or am I trying to pull a fast one on the Universe. ( like a sort of reverse psychology??) Every day that I see something on my list for my career: call Savannah shops to see if they need more Not Waving, Drowning books, set up marketing for Write by the Water, finish edits Chapter 10, Precious Cargo., follow up with agent, order more business cards... I also see, set up new computer in kid's room because she fried the macbook, cut dog's nails, clean fish tank, do laundry, organize grad party, buy pork, clean house... and inevitably, those things get done first.
I know I have nothing to bitch about. Really. I do know this. I am very blessed, in all ways, and I thank God every day for his kindnesses- and the trials, because He knows I love a deadline.
But, let me just have a bitchy, whiny moment here, with people who should feel free to whine right back and know I care, but freaking, seriously.. world, stop sending me on wild goose chases, or making me track down shit that doesn't matter and world.. please remember, I have guests coming, even though my guest room is a disaster with odd furniture, a dismantled bed and sixty boxes of decor and supplies for a house that doesn't yet have a closing date, with more stuff on the way.
Yes, I'm talking to you... you're messing up my chi. Now cut it out.