Thursday, May 20, 2010

I don't need the TV News, I read blogs.

It's almost 7, and I hear the familiar call to turn on the TV- it's time for the news!
I hate the news. seriously. You may have heard me say it before. There is nothing they can tell me that I can't live without knowing, and actually, I might be better off not ever knowing all the bad stuff they keep pushing down my throat.
If I did everything "they" told me to do in the last decade, I'd be obese, suffering from heart disease, nursing bad knees, broke from investing in the market, homeless, jobless and probably suffering from one of the many new mental conditions they keep discovering.

The Atlantic published an article called, We Regret the Error, in which they take back their erroneous predictions of the last decade, including a strong, rising stock market, the induction of a female president, peace in the Middle East, and the idea that businessmen will arrive at the office by helicopter in many large cities.

AS I washed the dinner dishes and listened to the news play in the other room, I heard the top story. Funny. It was the same "news" I had broken myself 14 hours earlier- as I wrote my blog.
(Thank you Forbes.)

 The next piece of entertainment news might have also been pulled from my blog, as the reporter interviewed the star of Prince of Persia, Jake Gyllenhaal.

See, I said? People don't need the news? They just need to read my blog!

To prove a point, I opened the days old newspaper on the counter- a tiny little crappy local paper that has gotten thinner and thinner in the eight years I've lived here- except for Thursdays- when they post the legal notices for foreclosures, bankruptcies, DUIs, divorces and name changes. 
(I cancelled the larger city paper, the Atlanta Journal Constitution, when I realized for the same amount of money I could enjoy 365 days of gym membership, sauna included- and if I wanted the news? I could get it on multiple flat screens while riding a bike.)

This is what made the front page:


police say they recently broke up an illegal nightclub operating in a private residence — allegations the 60-year-old homeowner, Shirley Force calls bogus.
Responding to neighbor complaints of continued loud music, police found the Coles Mill Road home on April 28 to have all the makings of a speakeasy, including a bevy of alcohol, a cash register drawer, a “tip” cup and a kitchen reconfigured as a bar — in addition to more than 20 revelers, according to a police report.
An officer noted the “club decorum” included tables and chairs set up in a living room, walls decked in homemade signs and Christmas lights, a pool table and a kitchen sign that read “no credit.” Police found the home clouded in marijuana smoke, and once the merry-makers were asked to leave, 11 pills of generic Lortab turned up in the front yard, the report says.

Force is charged with keeping or maintaining a disorderly house, a misdemeanor. She was cited for violating county ordinances involving loud noise, sale of alcohol without a license, sale of distilled spirits by the drink and general business licensing.
The awning-lined home sits adjacent to South Waterworks Road, a stone’s throw from Lake Lanier, with streamers dangling from a mailbox and two red “No Trespassing” signs posted on a wide driveway.
Force said the allegations stem from a one-time party of 15 or so friends who’d come over to watch the Atlanta Hawks blow a home playoff game to the Milwaukee Bucks. She said she’s retained a lawyer and plans to fight the charges, which kept her in jail about a day before she posted $4,020 bond.
“It wasn’t no club ... we were just having a party,” Force said.

Well, if that's all it takes to make the front page around here, I should have been on there at least seven times. Not for the drug part of course, but for the throwing a party, pretending to be a speakeasy and asking for money and booze part... have you ever read about the parties at my house?  in fact two Novembers ago, people walked in looking like this:

I also find it extremely funny they arrested her for having a "disorderly" house. Boy, they need to visit some of the houses I've been in- houses of very busy families.
 And then, the funny little aside from reporter, in his mention of 
one-time party of 15 or so friends who’d come over to watch the Atlanta Hawks blow a home playoff game to the Milwaukee Bucks.

okay, maybe I do need to read the paper more. It makes me laugh.
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