Why You'll Never Make The BFFL List

check this list. can you admit to more than three of them?

*statements compiled from watching too much TV and eavesdropping on conversations at the gym 

You think you dress cute

You are a blamer, not a claimer

You don't belong to a gym

You belong to a gym, but never go

You pretend to be a Christian because you think it makes you appear kinder

You drive slow. Everywhere.

You are over thirty years old and have never been to Europe

You made a conscious choice: cats over dogs

You hang around people who are going nowhere in their lives and you respect them

You have never removed the wallpaper in your house

You have no idea what Bikram yoga is

You have never moved just to get a better place

You have regrets

Your best friend is your mother

You love cruises

You find it easier to cut down than compliment

You don't like to dance

You don't carry water with you, ever

 You look in every shiny surface you pass

You return to the same vacation place over and over and over

You think Las Vegas is the best thing ever, besides Disneyland

Dieting is something you do a few times a year. Every year.

You have more free flight miles saved up than you could ever use

You think a martini has more than two ingredients

Every room in your house has a theme

You like the sound of your laugh

You're afraid if you lift weights you'll get too muscular

Your idea of success is a large savings account

You have a list of places you'd like to see but have not booked one vacation this year

If I taped your day, you'd never once say these words: please, love, proud, asshole, yes

You have never shopped online

Your house smells weird to everyone but you

Your family has an outcast, and it's not you

You believe in the power of prayer but not positive thinking

You don't read books

You drive a minivan

You have never been to Canada or Mexico

You think Canada and Mexico are exotic places

Your negativity is your greatest asset

You eat everything and never gain weight

You never had to study in college

You actually have the job you went to school for

You still get the newspaper delivered daily

Clutter is your constant companion

You have a fear of something that will never happen to you- ie: spontaneous combustion

You do not believe in spirits

Was it something I said? Or something I didn't say?

In the past two weeks I have been accused of:

1. spending too much time on my computer writing
2. not spending enough time with family
3. spending too much time away from computer
4. not being readily available
5. making too much time for friends and parties
6. not doing enough PR and web work
7. wasting time on the internet
8. not making time for myself
9. spending too long at the gym
10. not answering my phone
11. not getting off my phone
12. cooking too much
13.  not cooking enough
14.  writing too many words 
15. not finishing anything
16. complaining about poor communication
17. not listening
18. talking too much about things no one cares about
19. writing for smart people
20. working too hard for little return
21. thinking that anything I do really matters
22. believing in the best in everyone regardless of reality
23. being too optimistic
24. dragging things on
25. living in a bubble