When your father turns 80, you get on a plane, even if your dress is backwards. SURPRISE!

  My Dad turned 80 on April 3rd. 
 I broke the law to send him a gift- the kind of gift I'll want when I'm 80, excellent booze and something big and fat to smoke. Actually turns out I broke several laws in the purchasing,transporting, and later, shipping of said gifts. I am such a rebel. (Thank you, Cuba, Key West, TSA, Bob's Liquor of GA and FedEx.) Bath products?? hahahahah

My sisters planned a nice little family and friends gathering. I had plans in GA right up to the event date, so wasn't thinking I'd be able to go, but last minute, the hubster bought the plane ticket and pushed me out the door at 4 am... Three hours after I  went to bed, btw.

Did you know that the one way to avoid horrendous daily Atlanta traffic is to drive it's virtually empty highways at 4:30 am? The usual 45 minute to 1.5 hr trek to the heart of downtown took merely 23 minutes. With roads that empty, me going speeds that high, it was like a scene the first season of Walking Dead, minus the zombies.

I had some social media pals make two birthday videos for me to present to my Dad- sort of an inside joke, and something he could get a kick out of. We have the same twisted humor, and share a love of magic.

Here's the magic trick for my Dad, Jack.

 Mont is available for live magic events, and also is a hypnotist. He can help you quit smoking, reduce stress or lose weight. Or just have him come to your party and make your friends act like chickens and dance ballet in your living room.

MONT MAGIC 

 I also had an Irish comedian make a mock up of the famous Marilyn Monroe Happy Birthday, Mr. President song.  ( I love the youtube videos of her appearing late to the stage, the awkwardness of her drunkenness, the way Mr. President is busted and yet America doesn't get it... or do they? I wish only that the camera had panned to Jackie O's face... just once.)

The real Marilyn.

 This is Mark Manning, an Irish radio and TV broadcaster and voice-over artist, with a brilliant sense of humor, wishing my Dad a happy birthday.

 (one correction: Cookie is not 58. She's 78, but they have been married 58 years in June)
Hire Mark here for professional jobs. He does a lot of corporate work, but you can also have him do his Roger Moore impersonation to make someone's Bond loving day, here.

I tried out the videos on my phone in a crowded bar on Friday night for my Iowa pal, Nancy. She laughed and blushed and was genuinely afraid... Yep. I knew I had a hit on my hands, plus the techno part worked. So. yay.
 Fast forward to Saturday afternoon. ( the short version: park, wait, flight, wait, flight, rent, park, shower, drive, get lost, drive, arrive)

No one knew I was coming.  All I knew was the dinner part was a lobster boil in the garage at one of my sister's houses and lots of people were invited, event to begin at 3pm. My mother mentioned something in an email about Dad not wanting a big fuss, but wait until he sees what it's all about...
My imagination wheels started grinding as I drove the last half mile to the house and saw a bigass stretch Hummer limo on the side of the road. It was well after 3pm...
 Uh oh
 Me: I should have called ahead, or at least texted someone. Crap. They've been doing pudding shots and drinking for an hour, and are now all in that kickass Hummer off to meet Jack's childhood friends and all the old neighbors at some wild party with strippers and flame eaters and Cirque du Soleil hot men in tights serving martinis and feeding people vodka infused gummy bears. They'll be dancing and singing and partying the night away at some secret location, with projected slides of Jack from age 1-80 bouncing off tented walls, where hot girls on trapeze swings rain down cigars and Ecstasy. And I'm going to miss it all. SHIT.

                        We Will Now Pause For A Reality Check Moment

 So, yeah. The Stretch Hummer? Local Prom Night. The men in tights? More like nephews in jeans. Hot girls on trapeze swings? Not so much, more like my three sisters reminding me of the backyard swing set. The same one Mom ran the riding mower up one summer.  (Where was Vine then??)

But you know what?
 We didn't need pudding shots or  Ecstasy. We had this.

                                                   We had family.

                                                   Yes, this little boy

                             grew up and became Daddy to these little girls

who gave him these grandkids

                       
                                                         and these, too.

                 These was a lot of beer and wine at Jack's 80th, some homemade, even!  I need to try that. My nephew makes a mean Strawberry Wine. (not sure he was sold on naming it after me. Would you buy Aunt Linda's Hangover Helper?)
                      We caught up, told stories and apparently did a lot of pointing

                                             
                  We had our own version of hotness. hot things. Men and their fire...

                                        and their hats!   I love this.

                               Wanna see an awesome salt and pepper set?

Jack didn't get strippers, but he did get lobster. 

Next year? He deserves strippers clad only in gold bikinis and lobster bibs to crack open and serve him lobster, drenched in butter. Cue video.

                                                    There was CAKE!

                         
                                       There was outdoor sky fishing.

                 Look! The elusive windy mylar trout! A delicacy in 5 states.

 We lit Chinese lanterns-which should be called floating tree fire starters.

                   
                                                            Oops.

                    Am pretty sure some neighbor reported a UFO.

                It's April. So still ...winter in CNY. So, we had a bonfire.

With these lovely ladies. That's my 78 year old mom. Not. Kidding. 

She's hot, right?

Bonfires can be dangerous. 

Sometimes it all depends on who you are sitting next to.

  Maybe that's sibling affection. I sure hope she wasn't offended by the T-shirt I brought her?

    (Specially printed up in matching colors  for the Sister Weekend That Wasn't)
*sidenote I have never had so many party photos of the back of my head. :)

    The fire was still going when we went home tipsy, smelling all outdoorsy and  lobstery, and watched the birthday videos again, while finishing off the Crown Royal Reserve. It was great.

More than great. I'd do it all over again for this. Priceless.

                                               Happy Birthday, Dad.

                         Thank you for making me the woman I am today.

Welcome to 2014

I used to get reminders from BlogHer when I didn't post anything for a two week span. It helped, those reminders, sort of like a homework assignment, or a work deadline.
 Left to my own devices, I was probably spending way too much time skimming pages on Pinterest for decor ideas, or sending away for land brochures and bookmarking fashion pages for shit I don't need or can't afford.
 Or maybe I was doing this.

 There were those chunks of days I dedicated to writing, and even bigger day chunks spent editing, submitting, revising ... so, that's something, because it's all about the AMOUNT of creative work you produce over your lifetime that will lead to greatest success ... according to a recent NPR episode that I chose to listen to rather than study my Spanish lesson.
 At least I wasn't doing this.

 So, that's something.

I have managed to corrupt, I mean entertain, a whole new group of players by starting a monthly Girls Night Out. I love these ladies. We laugh. A lot.
 There's also Book Club and Bunco, Poker for the boys and of course, a regular schedule of yoga and weight training, because some days I need to go out in the world and eavesdrop to get the perfect combination of imagination, dreamland and reality into a scene.
On that note, things are progressing with the pitching of the book/s. All good news and all very exciting. I've got the right people around me and the cards are finally in place.
 And I've got a bunch more flash fiction in the stack, now that I've decided once and for all to write without the self-editing/inhibiting questions of what would that person think or how would that group of people feel... 

 I encourage you to go out there and attack life this year. Find your passion. Seek what fuels you. Enjoy life, don't merely go through the motions. Dump negativity and surround yourself with people and things- if that's your kick- that make you feel good.

I'll be back in a few. Stay out of trouble. Dance. A lot. And eat healthy.

Maybe get a Roomba.

Let's talk Jaguars. Not the team, not the cats. The cars, people. The. Cars.

What do you get when you combine one amusement park, multiple drivers including one very excited car-loving blonde and a bunch of sleek new Jaguars?

 Answer?  A whole lot of fun. Also called The Jaguar ALIVE Driving Experience.
  It wasn't easy to find my way into the closed park. Thank goodness a Jaguar passed by me slow enough to follow. We made a nice little parade. My XKR following his XF.
 The check-in at the hospitality suite was quick and painless, and soon we were ushered into the outside tent (drizzly weather had just stopped) for an introduction to the vehicles, prices, models, features, all the stuff a brochure would tell you more succinctly than I.  Check it out here.

 Next up was a quick talk about Jaguar Technology, like Dynamic Stability Control, AWD and three separate driving modes, plus the one no one wanted to hear about.... the Automatic Speed Limiter. But talk wasn't enough. You have to drive it to feel it. There were car choices of the XF and XJ, both with AWD.
I teamed up with my new Jag loving pal, Tyrone and we got to run through some hazards in different modes, testing the accident avoidance features. There was a slippery hill, a skidding turn, a bumpy road and some twists and turns. All fun, and in the extra long XJLR, it was a luxurious way to enjoy backseat driving, unless I'm driving, then hold onto your cucumber water!

 Tyrone said that last year at the same event there was more driving, both on the track and around town,  and more cars. Later we learned that due to some sort of internal costs things had been cut back. I wondered if anyone ever tried or succeeded in stealing a car from the event— then I wrote a story in my head where someone did.

We made our way to the next tent for JAGUAR DYNAMICS, where we were able to drive two cars, XKR and XFR all 2014 models. I drove the XKR coupe.  It was pretty cool to hear, "OK. Now floor it! Pedal to the ground!" instead blue lights and sirens. That was one smooth trip from 0 to 60, and a few heart pounding turns back to the tent.

Where I went along for a two-fer ride in the XFR with Tyrone at the wheel first.

This is my face after he told me he gets his "ya-yas" out by driving race cars every weekend. It was probably also his face when I drove one-handed and got yelled at by the instructor.

This is the dash and the backseat. I love the two tone interior and clean dashboard.

By the way, no one had to tell Tyrone to put the pedal to the floor.

 Next up was the one we were both waiting for: PERFORMANCE and a bevy of F type convertibles to choose from. ( it's what's under the hood that will really make the difference.)
*From Jaguar site:

YOUR F-TYPE

There are four models in the F-TYPE range. While each offers its own distinctive characteristics, all are equally at home on mountain switchbacks, on the highway or in the city.
The F-TYPE is designed to deliver pure driving pleasure.
The F-TYPE S adds greater power and sophisticated suspension technologies for increased balance and performance.
The F-TYPE V8 S Convertible provides exotic-car performance and greater levels of dynamic capability and control.
The F-TYPE R Coupe delivers supercar levels of performance combined with advanced dynamic technologies for the ultimate driver focused experience.

Most impressive non-performance feature? The z-fold bootless roof. I drive a convertible, but mine has a boot and the roof takes a little more than 12 seconds to go up or down. Not in this baby. Course, mine is also a bit larger... Here. Hold my purse. Leave the golf clubs at home.

 WHEW. That was awesome. Then it was back inside for goodie bags and snacks.
Of course, they had to pull me away from this beauty.

Yes, You're seeing the JAGUAR XKRS GT.
 Here she is up close.

Don't get your hopes up. There will only be 25 of them released in the USA. You will probably never see one in person, and definitely not be allowed to lean all over the spoiler.

Thank you JAGUAR ALIVE. I had a wonderful day on the track, enjoyed meeting new people, and learning what's new for this brand that in my opinion NEVER went out of style.

 Hey, this has been on my Christmas list since I was two.

 Are you listening Santa?

Wondering what to give him this anniversary?

September 11, 1992.
The date of our non-traditional wedding in Florence, Italy. A wedding we backpacked to in thrift store clothing and a tie bought on the streets of Venice.
The date was chosen by our proctor, the man who was handling all the Italian paperwork that we had initiated in Los Angeles.
We joked that with 911 as the date, we would never forget our anniversary. Or someone would be calling 911!
In 2001, the date changed meaning for so many others, yet we hung onto our joy.
We began planning adventurous ways to celebrate surviving another year of marriage. We alternated years and challenged each other with upping the stakes... one year it was a day of backwoods trails and 4 wheelers, another time, hang gliding. One time we tried sensory overload:a blind adventure- Dialogue In The Dark followed by a bi-plane ride. We added other ideas to the plan... how about an alternate life for the day? We rented an expensive sportscar and spent the day at a country club and spa. ANother time we booked a hotel stay in a posh place in the city and "did the town."

This year, it was my turn to plan. I booked a weekend in an eco-resort, then changed it out at the last minute for a few nights at a swanky beachfront condo on the Gulf Coast, and in a final twist of girl vs. boy... I bought him a diamond ring.


Some might say I spoiled him. I say, I'm just leading the horse to water.

I have fallen in love. Again.

This is the work of Ivan Rabuzin.  It's featured at the Croation Museum of Naïve Art.

I am going to go there and stand in front of these and dream.