At least once a year, I am asked the same question...

"Where do find such small dicks?

That probably sounds bad. Especially if you don't know me.
 Well, build a bridge and get over it.
 See, the thing is, after a typo appeared on a Christmas ornament exchange party invite, I began creating and bringing a "pornament" to my friend's house every year.

Last year, I even ran a blog special, for anyone who could find the old blog posts and photos, and repost one, I'd make them their very own pornament and mail it out by Christmas.
  Yep.

so, you can go to these links and see previous years. or just jump ahead to this year. 2011.

 and see the woman who unknowingly opened the secret gift.

 Her face said, wow! Her body language said, WTF?

 Yes. I went there.

                                                      Okay, I'll squeeze it! OMG!

These ladies- far right and blurry got to take the penis home. Mom and daughter. I think Mom is 65.

( the dick was stolen at least five times and the plot thickened- pun intended- as Mom NEEDED to get the penis for her tree.)

 Most times when a dick is uncovered giggling is discouraged. Not here.

If Yoda Was a Porn Star.

He might say, "Would to see my little friend you like, hmm? "

He might take marketing to a whole new level at Christmas time... if he had an employee like me.

He might have to do a super special unveiling, with an XXX rating.

 ( that was your warning, people)

   He might proclaim, "Ornaments for the masses, there will be.  Hmmmmmm."


Or, in this case, a single special edition collectible pornament for a winner. A sci-fi writer pal who actually reads and understands my work... a very cool guy who took me up on a challenge and was the first to respond by Facebook posting a photo found on my website of a former pornament party surprise package. 
Yep. There's more where Yoda came from.

Thanks Steven, for putting me back in the craft room. Glad you like it!

Hold up your ornaments! I may wanna steal them.

Yes, we did it again.
 Women gathered under one roof to drink Sangria and rob each other.

It was the annual p-ornament exchange party.
 Well, there were 2 PORNAMENTS anyway... thanks to my partner in crime. ;-)

If you havent heard the story yet... It isn't this. 


These are some previous years posts on the subject Here and HERE: and more at other places that you can find..like some hater's page probably. But bottom line is, I love this hostess and she has a great sense of humor- as does her Mom! And I always meet some cool new friends every time I go to her parties- so this is an event I look forward to every year.

Details, shmetails... all you need to know is that this was the year of the Black Santa. ( read into that as much as you will. I'm zippering it over here.) Yes, a Black Santa come to give you all the presents you may desire...With Hot Sauce in one hand and a Sheep in the other.

 and also... I admit it. I totally defaced the collectible Atlanta Braves ornament, and probably made some black men proud with my artistic interpretation on ornament #2. Beacause even though I sat in Jane Fonda's old seat and admired Chipper Jones' ass up close and personal for one blessedly long ball game, I am not a baseball fan... or a collector.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Cheery Kwanza.

 It started calm. There were mini wine glasses and a martini one.. and some cute alligators with boas- the feather kind... I made a light up shirt out of a $5 Target tee and a string of battery operated twinkling lights. BIG hit. ( all these ladies think I need to start my own business. I guess I make a pretty good elf.)
 

looking pretty innocent in his box, eh?

  

lift his shirt.....

 Here' s those boys who run the diamond... all those analogies about sex and baseball?

They're true.

as our happy gift recipient found out!

Andrea, the party hostess and I are ASTONISHED! ;-) 

I should have made more this year and brought them to the "after party".... a friend's birthday gathering that I pretty much crashed. Oopsie.

                                    This is the host.

  

and this is the  Birthday girl.. who looks like she's gonna need some glued on help to celebrate her birthday tonight. heh heh..

When you don't know what to give for Christmas.

Give a dick to a dick.
Give something raunchy to a prude.
Give something unexpectedly funny to someone who needs a laugh.

First there was this. and then, there was THIS

Last year, I made this. which led to this year's duo: this
and still to be revealed: black santa before and after

Sure, I have a few more ornament ideas up my sleeve, don't worry.
Every year the ladies ask me where do you get all those tiny penises, and when are you going to start up your own p-ornament making business?

Because they all know at least one perfect recipient.