Movie Theater Experience at Home

Oh yeah.
Avoid those bothersome cackling hens in the row behind, the fat guy with his enormous tub of popcorn, and hey, you can even answer your cell phone during the show without ANYONE complaining.

It's the beauty of watching movies in your living room. I haven't even mentioned that you can wear your jammies, drink a nice glass of wine and forget about expensive candy or parking lot traffic...
sigh.
It's perfect.

 Even more perfect if you have these kind of feature movies to choose from. It's Hollywood at Your Fingertips.

We had a carload of kids on vacation, and were able to download to computers, and mobile devices, instantly. Gone are the days of the portable DVD player, a stack of DVDs and a whole bunch of cables and cords.   When we need a fix for our movie junkies we just click and download. Check it out.

If Yoda Was a Porn Star.

He might say, "Would to see my little friend you like, hmm? "

He might take marketing to a whole new level at Christmas time... if he had an employee like me.

He might have to do a super special unveiling, with an XXX rating.

 ( that was your warning, people)

   He might proclaim, "Ornaments for the masses, there will be.  Hmmmmmm."


Or, in this case, a single special edition collectible pornament for a winner. A sci-fi writer pal who actually reads and understands my work... a very cool guy who took me up on a challenge and was the first to respond by Facebook posting a photo found on my website of a former pornament party surprise package. 
Yep. There's more where Yoda came from.

Thanks Steven, for putting me back in the craft room. Glad you like it!

Blurring the lines: Be A Gladiator

I'm pretty sure we all saw this movie. I mean, who doesn't like men with swords, wearing chainmail, men with sexy accents and enough muscles and angst to get the attention of Queens, or Princesses. A storyline that is all hero all the time... where somebody falls in love, somebody deceives, somebody is left wanting and somebody dies.
I think the era, the clothing, the okay- skin and leather and buckles and straps is all a part of it.


So, when the "old gladiator sandal" made a comeback a few summers ago, no one flinched. Some folks took it too literally, wearing sheets on Holllywood Blvd. Brandishing longswords and chest plates in the ATL... but for the most part, we paired subdued strappy sandals with floral sundresses and called ourselves fashion forward.

I couldn't do it... not the flat ones anyway. and when I saw these on the last chance sale rack at the shoestore for 80% off, all I could think was Halloween, costume, toga party, and that I would have made a really really bad Gladiator.

Are you a SUPERFAN?

Even if you're merely a "FAN," you are going to love this new site I found.
If you're anything like me, when you want to know about something, or someone .... you want to KNOW ALL ABOUT it.
and what if you could go to one place, instead of window upon window of link upon link?
You can. (OH my, I sound like an infomercial.) Check it out.

It's SuperFan.
I tried typing in LOST, one of my guilty TV pleasures, and found videos, photos, connections to other pages , a comment section and a place to talk to other super fans. Totally cool thing. Some pages also offer blogs, quizzes and battles. The Sports Pages are especially full of information.

My sisters would have loved this when we were growing up. They had walls of posters of their favorite singers and actors. They read all the teenybopper magazines and wrote love letters to them in their diaries. Now thirteen year olds can go to SuperFan, type in The Jonas Brothers or Channing Tatum or Megan Fox and start their own fanclub.


SuperFan.com was founded by Harvard MBA and internet pioneer, Rick Marini, a guy who's lived in two of my former states, NH and CA and started a little thing you might have heard of called Tickle.com, which he later sold to Monster Worldwide for over $100 million. Nice.

Because March is Women's History Month...or Life Tips from Thelma and Louise

I should talk about the role of women in history- how we have changed the world both with our own actions and voices and also by our encouragement and support of those weak-kneed bumbling idiots ruled by two heads, yes... men.

I could send you HERE to test your knowledge of the role of women in our history.
or link you to historical books and films that toot the feminine and not so feminine horn of achievement...
or I could just offer this:

13 Life Tips From Thelma and Louise

1. You get what you settle for. “I still have to ask Darryl if I can go,” Thelma said. “He never lets me do a g-d damned thing. “You get what you settle for,” said Louise. Darryl treated Thelma like crap - but the thing is, she let him. She took everything he dished out without speaking up for herself, and that’s now way to achieve your life goals.

2. Stay connected to your friends. Women need each other. We need to talk, gossip, laugh, cry, pray, exercise, eat, and vent together. And, like Thelma and Louise, we need to get out of town together….not that I’m saying you need to drive cross country, kill a guy in self-defense, or run from the police to bond with your girlfriends! But, you do need support when you’re setting and achieving goals.

3. Celebrate your differences. This life tip from the Thelma and Louise movie involves not just tolerating your friends’ differences, but celebrating them. Thelma was a married stay-at-home housewife with a domineering, annoying husband. She wasn’t as mature or jaded as Louise, who worked as a waitress in a coffee shop and had a lot more life experience (including being raped in “past life”).

4. Take care of yourself. Always, always watch your back, even when you’re having fun, even when you’re surrounded by people you trust. At the bar a few hours after their road trip, Thelma drank too much and ended up in the parking lot with a guy - Harlan. Louise stopped him from raping her. “We’re just having a little fun,” Harlan said. “In the future, when a woman’s crying like that, she ain’t having any fun,” Louise said, voice trembling. “I should’ve f-ked her,” said Harlan. “Suck my —.” So Louise shot him. “You watch your mouth, buddy,” she said. Louise knew not only how to take care of herself, she knew how to take care of Thelma, too. And Harlan.

5. Keep a cushion of money in your account. You probably won’t need it because you’ve just murdered a rapist, but it’s still a great life tip from the Thelma and Louise movie. Always have three months of “mad money” that you can easily access, just in case you lose your job, run into health problems, or decide to take an extended vacation. Not having a fluffy cushion of money is a common financial mistake many women make - and it’ll stop you from achieving your life goals.

6. Trust your gut. Louise did not want to pick up that hottie hitchhiker (Brad Pitt); her gut instinct told her to stay away. Thelma, who doesn’t seem to have much of a gut instinct to trust, wanted to give him a ride and wouldn’t stop talking about it. So, they ended up giving him a ride, and it was the second biggest mistake they made.

7. Pick your battles. “He is an asshole,” Thelma said about her husband. “Most of the time I just let it slide.” This life tip from the Thelma and Louise movie isn’t about letting things slide; it’s about knowing where to draw the line. Setting your boundaries is about self-respect. People will treat you the way you let them - in fact, you teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself and what you’ll take from others. To achieve your life goals, be aware of how you let people treat you…and how you treat them.

8. Figure out why you’re into the bad boys. Despite their different personalities, both Thelma and Louise were totally into bad boys! Thelma found hers on the road (J.D., the hottie hitchhiker who taught her how to rob a store). Louise’s bad boy boyfriend was hers all along. It’s cool to be into bad boys - as long as you don’t expect them to change.

9. Buckle up for the consequences. This life tip from the Thelma and Louise movie runs throughout the whole movie: If you’re hooked up with a bad boy or the most decent husband in the world, be prepared for the natural consequences. Like what? The possibility that you’ll get hurt - whether he’s never around when you need him or he’s around a little too much. Or, he could steal all your money…like J.D. did to Thelma and Louise. Don’t let this stop you from taking risks to achieve your life goals, but just be prepared for what happens next (both good and bad!).

10. Take turns being strong. Louise was the strong woman throughout most of the movie. Until J.D. stole their money; then, Thelma became strong. Sex with J.D. gave her the self-confidence she needed to take control of her life. By the end - when Thelma was putting the crying cop into the trunk of his police cruiser - Louise wasn’t the only strong woman in the movie. Thelma overcame her fear and grew into a strong, self-confident woman.

11. Take risks to get what you need. Thelma, in her new role as the strong woman, robbed the store to get the money that they needed to get to Mexico to start their lives over again. Now, I’m not advocating robbery. I’m stressing that this life tip from the Thelma and Louise movie is about taking risks despite your fears, and taking what you need to achieve your life goals.

12. Be open with your friends, because keeping secrets creates distance. Louise waited until the end of the movie to tell Thelma that she was raped in Texas, in her earlier life. Throughout their friendship, Thelma never really knew Louise - she didn’t know her motivations, fears, or past experiences.

13. Be comfortable with loose ends. The last life tip from Thelma and Louise has to be about the ending. Ah, that glorious, mysterious ending in which we really don’t know what happens next! Could they actually get away? Will there be a sequel? That’s exactly how life is. We don’t know for sure how it’s gonna end because it’s never really over…until it’s really over.

Let's all bitch about our HOA.

....sung to the tune of MY DICK, from Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay...

My HOA wants me to change my blinds.
Your HOA says your payment's running behind.

My HOA drives around in Caddies.
Your HOA will fine you for noise on St. Paddy's.

My HOA tells what color to paint my door.
Your HOA is run by a whore.

My HOA says don't park in the street.
Your HOA says you ain't fuckin neat.

My HOA closes the pool when kids pee.
Your HOA thinks your yard is weedy.

My HOA told me to hide my trashcan.
Your HOA gives it to you in the ass, man.

My HOA charges too much for too little.
Your HOA's covenants read like a riddle.

My HOA says no to sheds.
Your HOA wants you to prune your beds.

My HOA is run by Nazi finks.
Your HOA is full of MILFs and DINKs.

My HOA took down the basketball nets.
Your HOA won't let you park your jet.

My HOA won't answer the phone.
Your HOA won't toss you a bone.

Money and women. The reasons for making most mistakes in life. Looks like you've mixed up both.

That's a quote from the movie, Slumdog Millionaire.

Now go see it.

The Benefits of Married Sex

Am I the only one who thinks Hollywood is taunting the singles out there by releasing this movie right before Valentine's Day?
He's Just Not That Into You
(which I think should be.... SHE'S Just not that into YOU, pal.)

He's Just Not That Into You trailer


Sure, I know quite a few single folks who are single by choice, but for those who are still looking for Mr. or Ms. Right, I will bet they all agree- Valentine's Day sucks.

Even though I never read the book,( see an excerpt here), just thinking about all those dating woes...the misunderstandings and the starting over is exhausting.

Yes, there are benefits to being married. Even if some days you have to remind yourself over and over why you said I do.

For instance,
The benefits of Married Sex.

The expectation is lower. Both in regularity and spontaneity.
You don't have to drive to get it.
You bought the sheets and probably changed them.
There is no need to brag about your body's glory days. He was there.
Night eye cream can be HOT!
Stretch marks acquired from birthing his child are very very sexy.
You can skip the erotic dance moves and candles and get right down to business if you want.
There are a lot less questions.
Saying "not now" is not a rejection, merely a postponement.
Morning breath is forgiveable.
He knows how to lock the door and when the kids interrupt, he'll understand.

Write What You Know. Then Watch It.

Let's face it. Writers are interesting people.

Of course Hollywood has cashed in on this. Besides, when you're a writer, one of the first things you'll find yourself doing when you sit down to the keyboard...is writing about what you're doing.

( I can't tell you how many bad stories I read every week that open with a conflicted author who becomes his character, or loses his mind. Then there are the stories that open with someone reading or writing the story you're about to read, or keeping a journal, or finding a diary, or writing a script or ... you get the picture.)

A few of the better movies about writers:

Hannah and Her Sisters
Dianne Wiest plays a failed-actress-turned-writer who draws a little too closely on her own sister's marriage for inspiration in creating a script.


Permanent Midnight
Even as he was making a name as a hugely successful TV writer (thirtysomething, Moonlighting, Alf), Jerry Stahl was on a downward slide of heroin use and crazy, self-destructive behavior. As long as he produced, nobody he wrote for really cared.

Adaptation
LOVE LOVE LOVE Charlie Kaufman. What a talented guy.

Charlie has been hired to write an adaptation of Susan Orlean's The Orchid Thief which, ironically, happens to be an almost inadaptable non-fiction book about a plant dealer. While Charlie struggles, his twin brother, Donald, becomes a well-paid action hack — a transformation that makes Charlie even more neurotic than he was before.


In a Lonely Place ( Title says it all, doesn't it?)

Lots of Hollywood scribes have a streak of self-loathing about what they do — and so it goes for Humphrey Bogart's down-on-his-luck Dixon Steele in this masterwork of moody noirish angst from director Nicholas Ray. (The script is by Andrew Solt, whose extremely downbeat original ending was reworked by Ray and the cast — a case-in-point illustration of how little control writers typically have over the finished product.)


Here's a list of TEN TOP GREAT MOVIES ABOUT WRITERS, some of which I've seen, and
of course I would have to add a recent movie: STRANGER THAN FICTION which gets into the wacky minds of female writers and the conundrums of caring too much for your characters.
This movie made me so sad, because it was probably true.

But this weekend, I found another movie about writers that I love. PURPLE VIOLETS
You can see the trailer, even download the movie for your IPOD. A really wonderful Ed Burns film.

Because I care about your entertainment.

THIS is fantastic. and educational.
I especially like the bee, I think.

BOND. James Bond.

You're going to have to wait until NOV. 14th for the sixth James Bond to appear in the 22nd film. But get your teasers here.

And fun and games here.

Must say, even though he's taken a lot of crap for being shorter and more fair-haired than our "traditional" Ian Fleming Bond, I think Daniel Craig is doing a fine job.
And good for him to find humor in the stacked heels they made him wear when 5'7" co-star Gemma Arterton was decked out in her own high-heels. Yeah, he's a guy I'd wear flats for.

Dragon*Con Atlanta 2008 Secret

SHHHH. This is the secret.
You can have just as good a time for FREE at Dragon*Con.
Skip the line and pretend you know where you're going. Head for the elevator.
then do what we did. Drink at all the lobby bars, ride the glass elevators and stroll the lobbies of 4 hotels, taking pictures like this:

Convince new friends to Play the "stranger in the picture" game
and laugh knowing all kinds of people will go home unable to answer the question, "Who's that blonde?"
Meet some crazy girls. Insult one by saying you love her gown, that you'd make chaise lounge cushions out of it for your blue and white room, then chug your beer when she tells you she's an interior designer.
Lie to them and say how clever or pretty or slick they are. Do not let them see you laugh.


Have friends with you who can camouflage your surprised, oh honey what did you do to yourself comment, into something that actually sounds nice.
I'm pretty sure I ruined some TV footage when I peeked over a trojan's shoulder,
inserting comments as he was interviewed for TV. ( you can see the press tags on the girl to his right and the camera over his left shoulder... ) gee, I hope that footage never surfaces when I run for President.
All in all it cost us a MARTA train ticket, a few hours away from the book fest and a shitload of drinks- which we would have had anyway.

Famous people, crazy people

This weekend in Atlanta two different groups gather. Downtown over 20,000 people will attend DRAGON *CON. It is a huge deal. There's a parade and everything.
I have a short list of people I'd like to see, including Mickey Dolenz, Adam West and Nathan Fillion...
Southeast of downtown in a small artsy town, many others will wander around Decatur for the annual Book Festival. There will be poetry, fiction, history, writing classes, book sales, panels with best sellers, readings by Pulitzer prize winners, cooking classes and stuff for the kids, plus my fav pub with one of the best selections of Belgium beer on tap.
This year, I'll be at both.
Wish me luck. Oh yes, there will be photographs.

Feast of Love: add this movie to your list

Sometimes you read a novel and think: This is beautiful. I can't write like this. And then you hear it's been picked up, and you worry that Hollywood will ruin it.
And then you watch it and cry and laugh and remember why you loved the characters in the book and you think, okay, I can do this, and how wonderful would it be if the words on my page came out as crying, laughing, smiling, loving people on a forty foot screen.

BTW
I met Charles Baxter in New York, told him how much I loved the book and had him sign it. If you have not read it. You must.
And check out the awesome soundtrack for FEAST OF LOVE...wow.

Which Sex and the City girl are you?

You know you're all thinking it, even some of the guys in the audience won't admit it, we all find a bit of ourselves in those four characters.
Some ladies used the movie as an excuse for a girls night out.
Kind of like what I did last night with my three regular pals and a new fun extra.

The foreplay? A little hummus and pita bread and whole lot of Pinot Grigio. The consensus of the movie? Well, we weren't there for the plot, and we actually clapped and hooted for a few scenes, so I'd say entertainment value was there... not sure how much the Pinot helped.

I think I need to buy a black studded belt though
and definitely have moved the Manolos up on the wish list. all in all a fun night, though much too short, and the perfect cap to a weekend that started early with my remodelers no-showing me on Friday leading to a shopping spree followed by bunko with a yummy ginger drink that no matter how much I drank I didn't feel it... the final dance recital of the year and a night of sushi and a fun day in the sun with a novel on Sunday.
Off to another author event tonight and happy to report the shower and toilet room is almost 100% complete. Almost. The front room? Not so much.
Photos soon.

That ain't no etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet.

Since I saw the movie, JUNO, I've been shuffling scribbled notes around my desk, from bird to mermaid paper weights and back again.. .forgetting I could just click on the IMDb page at any time to remind myself of the great dialogue.

like:

[at Juno's ultrasound]
Leah: Whoa! Check out Baby Big Head. Dude, that thing is freaky lookin'.
Juno MacGuff: Excuse me. I am a sacred vessel, alright? All you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.

Juno MacGuff: [voice over] When I see them all running like that, with their things bouncing around in their shorts, I always picture them naked, even if I don't want to. All i see is pork swords.

Juno MacGuff: What about Katrina De Voort? You could totally go out with Katrina De Voort.
Paulie Bleeker: No, I don't like Katrina. She smells like soup. Have you ever smelled her? I mean, her whole house smells like soup!

Juno MacGuff: Uhhh, I hate it when adults use the term "sexually active." What does it even mean? Am I gonna like deactivate some day or is it a permanent state of being?

---

Juno MacGuff: Can I use the facilities? Because being pregnant makes me pee like Seabiscuit!

See it if you haven't. The screenplay was written by Brooke Busey AKA Diablo Cody, whos e book, "Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper" we're reading for our book club... and thinking we might need to go somewhere other than the public library to discuss.

Personal Quotes by Diablo Cody

"Stripping toughened my hide, but exposing myself as a writer has been a lot more brutal."

"If this whole writing thing doesn't work out, I'll be getting right back on the pole."

Tired of Remakes and Reruns.

Musicians do it all the time. Sometimes I like the remakes better, and yes, both artists reap the benefits, also the songwriter. When authors do it, you have to look a little harder, but still it's there. Of course, Hollywood does it ALL the time. These are just a few of their unoriginal additions to TV and film.



When is enough enough? I'm not even going to go into the fact that most of America's popular TV shows were stolen from other countries and remade.... it's downright embarrassing.
More and more I believe in the 7/20/36 plot theory. Especially when someone tells me I remind them of someone and ALWAYS when I experience deja vu.

7 Plots

1. [wo]man vs. nature
2. [wo]man vs. man
3. [wo]man vs. the environment
4. [wo]man vs. machines/technology
5. [wo]man vs. the supernatural
6. [wo]man vs. self
7. [wo]man vs. god/religion

20 Plots:

1. Quest
2. Adventure
3. Pursuit
4. Rescue
5. Escape
6. Revenge
7. The Riddle
8. Rivalry
9. Underdog
10. Temptation
11. Metamorphosis
12. Transformation
13. Maturation
14. Love
15. Forbidden Love
16. Sacrifice
17. Discovery
18. Wretched Excess
19. Ascension
20. Descension.

36 Plots

1. Supplication (in which the Supplicant must beg something from Power in authority)
2. Deliverance
3. Crime Pursued by Vengeance
4. Vengeance taken for kindred upon kindred
5. Pursuit
6. Disaster
7. Falling Prey to Cruelty of Misfortune
8. Revolt
9. Daring Enterprise
10. Abduction
11. The Enigma (temptation or a riddle)
12. Obtaining
13. Enmity of Kinsmen
14. Rivalry of Kinsmen
15. Murderous Adultery
16. Madness
17. Fatal Imprudence
18. Involuntary Crimes of Love (example: discovery that one has married one’s mother, sister, etc.)
19. Slaying of a Kinsman Unrecognized
20. Self-Sacrificing for an Ideal
21. Self-Sacrifice for Kindred
22. All Sacrificed for Passion
23. Necessity of Sacrificing Loved Ones
24. Rivalry of Superior and Inferior
25. Adultery
26. Crimes of Love
27. Discovery of the Dishonor of a Loved One
28. Obstacles to Love
29. An Enemy Loved
30. Ambition
31. Conflict with a God
32. Mistaken Jealousy
33. Erroneous Judgement
34. Remorse
35. Recovery of a Lost One
36. Loss of Loved Ones.

Happy Valentine's Day. Even if you don't know WHAT you're celebrating.

In the Eastern Orthodox Church, Saint Valentine the Presbyter, is celebrated on 6 July, and Hieromartyr Saint Valentine (Bishop of Interamna, Terni in Italy) is celebrated on 30 July.

The name "Valentine" does not occur in the earliest list of Roman martyrs, which was compiled by the Chronographer of 354. The feast of St. Valentine was first established in 496 by Pope Gelasius I, who included Valentine among those "... whose names are justly reverenced among men, but whose acts are known only to God." As Gelasius implied, nothing was known, even then, about the lives of any of these martyrs. The Saint Valentine that appears in various martyrologies in connection with 14 February is described either as:

• A priest in Rome
• A bishop of Interamna (modern Terni)
• A martyr in the Roman province of Africa.

The name "Valentine", derived from valens (worthy), was popular in late antiquity.
Various dates are given for the martyrdom or martyrdoms: 269, 270, or 273.
The official Roman Martyrology for February 14 mentions only one Saint Valentine.

English eighteenth-century antiquarians Alban Butler and Francis Douce, noting the obscurity of Saint Valentine's identity, suggested Valentine's Day was created as an attempt to supersede the pagan holiday of Lupercalia. This idea has lately been contested by Professor Jack Oruch of the University of Kansas.

Many of the current legends that characterize Saint Valentine were invented in the fourteenth century in England, notably by Geoffrey Chaucer and his circle, when the feast day of February 14 first became associated with with romantic love.

While a Website of the Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia and other sources give different lists of Saint Valentines, the Catholic Church's official list of recognized saints, the Roman Martyrology lists seven: a martyr (Roman priest or Terni bishop?) buried on the Via Flaminia (February 14), a priest from Viterbo (November 3), a bishop from Raetia who died in about 450 (January 7), a fifth-century priest and hermit (July 4), a Spanish hermit who died in about 715 (October 25), Valentine Berrio Ochoa, martyred in 1861 (November 24) and Valentine Jaunzarás Gómez, martyred in 1936 (September 18).

Confused? But you still love your chocolates and romantic dinners, the baubles and the kisses?

Let me suggest you watch THIS MOVIE. First, LISTEN to this.

Consider that my gift to you on this V-Day.

If someone said they loved you when ...

...you introduced them to something new, aren't you obligated to share it ( the new thing- not the love, people) with the world?

Today I give you this- TA-DA -a way to watch brand new movies in the comfort of your own home, for free.
And because I am so not into that unconditional love crap, whatcha got for me?

Got my Superbad on and finished my Superbad shopping.

*warning*
stop reading now if you don't like anatomical jokes.
Just one funny scene from Superbad.

Seth: When I was a little kid, I kinda had this problem. And it's not even that big of a deal, something like 8 percent of kids do it. For some reason, I don't know why. I would just kinda... sit around all day... and draw pictures of dicks.
Evan: What?
Seth: Draw pictures of dicks.
Evan: Dicks? Like a man dick?
Seth: Yes. Like a man dick.
[while you see Seth when he was a kid]
Seth: I'd just sit there hours on end drawing dicks. I didn't know what it was. I couldn't touch the pen to the paper without drawing the shape of a penis.
Evan: That's fucked.
Seth: No shit. It's really fucked up. Here I am. A little kid. And I can't stop drawing dicks to save my own life.
[you see the kid Seth draw a lot of different dicks on different sheets of paper and see a gallery of his drawings one by one]
Evan: Alright, I mean... I just don't see what this has to do with Becca.
Seth: Just listen. Okay?
[you see the kid Seth in a classroom]
Seth: Your precious little Becca sat next to me for all of fourth grade. And in the classroom was where I did the majority of my illustrations. I was very secretive about this whole dick operation. Even I thought I was fucking crazy. Imagine what everyone else would think? So I would stash all my dick drawings in this Ghostbusters lunchbox that I had. So one day, I'm finishing up this real big, veiny, triumphant bastard, all of a sudden...
Kid: Pussy!
[walks by the kid Seth and pushes his notebook and his dick drawing off the desk, and it lands near kid Becca]
Evan: You hit Becca's foot with your dick?
Seth: Yeah. I know.
[kid Becca picks up the drawing he just did, looks at it for a second, sees that it's a dick, and screams her head off and runs to the teacher]
Seth: She starts crying, she flips out. Then she rats me out to the principal. He finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest and he fucking flips out.
[you see more of his dick drawings one by one]
Seth: He calls in my parents. Turns out this principal is a religious fanatic, and he thinks I'm possessed by some sort of dick devil. My parents go make me see some therapist, and he's asking me all these dick questions. They literally stopped me from eating foods that were shaped like dicks. No hot dogs, no popsicles... You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds.
Evan: Well, I don't... That's really messed up. Supergay.

The pictures were hilarious!
Is it weird to sit home alone on your couch laughing out loud at stupid movies, just happy you don't have to battle the mall again for a long long time- at least until your gift cards arrive?
Just sayin'.